Watching: the grass grow
Playing: with my toes
The title says it all! i was gone from DA for a long time. I finished my art degree back in 2013, but i was feeling so unfulfilled, i felt i didn't learn anything and any skills i developed were self taught. No one taught me how to draw or paint, so i have to say it was disappointing. I was expecting to be taught to paint like the masters! but they say that's not what art major is about these days.
So i still struggled with the same problems, posture, angles, lighting etc, and to improve on them i have to basically work on it myself. To say the least, i felt like i wasted time with this so called art degree, where i can paint the most stunning picture in class and someone who stuck pieces of magazine cutouts can have a better mark than me all because he or she can "write" the meaning behind the "art". Right.
So right after the degree was done, i dived head first into another! Crazy as it sounds, i started bachelor of nursing, and now i'm in my last year. So if you are in Auckland, you might be unlucky enough to run into me in hospital, and if you are REALLY unlucky i might be the one looking after you! (jks i'm gentle as a lamb). All jokes aside, i now feel so much more accomplished and driven. As cheesy as it sounds it is a fulfilling job. I enjoy helping people feel better, i like making that connection with patients in their times of distress, and without sounding cliche, i really do find it wonderful when a patient remember my name, say goodbye to me when they are being discharged even though i might not be the one assigned to look after them on that day. It make me feel like i contributed to their lives in some sort of way and that is a special feeling.
Ofcause it is the only time i will say to someone "i hope to not see you again", in a nice way ofcause, it is the hospital after all. Now i just want to finish this degree next year and start earning money finally! I am in debt from student loans after all.... >.>
So what happens to the art aspect of my life? well it is a hobby now, and i am so much happier that it is just that. I love doodling and slapping colors around in PS, but i just don't think i am able to take it as a profession. Firstly, i lack skills, i am a novice at best in terms of drawing techniques. Secondly, when i did it as a degree i felt pressured into things, and art became "not fun" which actually made me feel really stuck and uninspired. Thirdly, which is probably the weirdest of all, i felt like i improved by not drawing for 3 years???? I don't know how that works, but i think i can see a slight improvement comparing what i'm scribbling now to what i scribbled 3 years back. I done nothing within these 3 years other than maybe gaining more wrinkles? maybe it's the power of wrinkles?! Like i said, the issues i had with drawing before still exist, i can pick out a million and 1 flaws out of my drawings, but i do feel like i did improve, maybe just a tiny bit. I do still have the same commitment problem as you can probably see...i tend to start drawing because i'm excited then get bored half way through, usually after painting the face then start to slack on everything else, which is really obvious i think...
But in the end, at the end of the day, i still love art, i love being creative, i love feeling inspired and i can never get rid of the child in me that love games, cartoons and comic books; so i will continue to draw no matter what i do for a living, because it is a part of my life no matter how sucky i am at it.